I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
