She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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