Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
