if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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