i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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