Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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