Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I smell stomach acid.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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