i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
