the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize