Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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