how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
