Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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