remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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