oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
