wanna go halves on a baby?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well you can't waste a boner
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
