Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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