your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
