im about as happy as oj after his trial
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
