This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize