so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
