Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
