$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how drunk are you?
Several
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