I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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