i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
