Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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