i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
