I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
