Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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