Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
