awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
