u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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