okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
