ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
