The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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