I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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