halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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