that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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