Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
