did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
