He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
