the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
