im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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