Plan B is the new Plan A
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
