I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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