i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
