I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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