i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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