Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
