I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
