I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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