bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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