i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
