I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
