turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
