So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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