Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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