I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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