Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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