she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
