Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
