Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize