She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
