guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
