Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
