some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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