We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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