How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
