Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
