Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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