Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
