he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
