you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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