Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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