I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
