Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
