I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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