Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
