At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
