Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
