Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
