My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
