Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
