ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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