We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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