Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We got so high we made milksteak
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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