There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
